i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
