is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
