The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
