Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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