i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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