HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
