I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
