It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
