i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
