I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
