Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize