my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
