just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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