So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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