Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize