great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
