Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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