Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
