need another drink. this is the easiest way
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You need Xanax blowdarts
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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