my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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