I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
