That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
