I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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