everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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