I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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