My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
