: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
