Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
