I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
