Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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