sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm going to jail i love you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
