I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
