Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
