what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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