Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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