i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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