So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
