how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
