just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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