Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
