when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you guys were way drunker than both of me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize