I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
3pm strippers are depressing
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
