At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
