I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
