she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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