Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
