Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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