I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
