I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
honey bunches of taint.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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