You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is my gift to your gina
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
