how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
