Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize