It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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