I wannas sexs uuuuu
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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