scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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