I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
