something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
