i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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