Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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