yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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