TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
