she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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