I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
