the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
