he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize