So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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