took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
