people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
