When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
